Glass Dick


“Don’t move” Cara said “Sit perfectly still” rolling the word perfectly across her tongue like it was a disintegrating chocolate icecap. Shane sat perfectly still on the bed across from his dresser where a laptop displayed an image of his dick lying vertically across what looked like two wrinkle-less walnuts. Cara had prepared the image, using her make-up skills to buff his smooth penis into a state of near classical serenity, where it appeared that it was lit internally by it’s own life force, rather than by three cleverly arranged desk lamps.

He didn’t have a name for it, but the more he stared at it on the screen the more he saw it detached from himself, autonomous. The frame was carefully cropped, giving enough space for the curly light brown tuft to resemble a crown, a crown adorning the smooth complexion of a young prince? Around this regal nexus Shane saw flowing olive robes, wrinkling deftly at their hem, the faint outline of veiny insignia that foretold a special destiny..
“Hold still just another second” Cara said.
The laptop beeped 3 times and made a click synthesizing the sound of a Polaroid camera. Photobooth snapped another picture more saturated with colour than the previous ones. This was much better. Cara stared past Shane’s dick and thought that she could now add lighting designer to her growing c.v. She shifted one of the lamps a fraction, set photobooth to go again and 3-2-1-the computer repeated the Polaroid sound. Cara took a step back from Shane, crossed her arms, put her hand to her mouth, titled her head almost imperceptibly and frowned, half thinking about the next creative step half-admiring the person she was now slowly becoming.
“Do you think it’s too small?” asked Shane.
Cara visibly scanned Shanes body; from his tiny nipples, across his smooth chest around his waifey frame and skinny legs up to his clear blue eyes and floppy brown hair, then descended back down to his cock.
“Whaaaat?!” she said and tutted, brushing-off the question. The truth was that she didn’t really care. Most of what Shane said went in one ear and out the other. He was her personal project, her first rung on the career ladder. It was her idea to include a photograph of his dick along with the rest of his dating profile images. Shane wasn’t sure about it but his need for a girlfriend had reached a state of emergency and he was now prepared to take some risks. Beside’s, Cara’s logic had been pretty tight – no other guys on the site had dared to put pictures of their dicks up, this would surely separate him out from them and get him noticed by some of the hotties there?
“That’s great” he said, “lets just use that one and we can get on with the rest of the profile”.
More than her photographic skills he needed her writing expertise. She was top set in English and this showed in the long words she used. He had tried writing something himself for his profile; a basic visual description that read like a depressed coroners report. He knew how bad it was after reading a few other profiles on the site and was about to fuck it all and jump-off of the school roof when he received her ad in his locker. “Are you struggling on social media? I can help. Straight A student can offer profile advice, write awesome status updates and even let you in on some essential selfie-taking secrets. 100% Free and discrete. Email me at”
Cara was looking at the screen nodding “Yes, yes, this picture is good. Cool, we’ll use it “But can I get a drink before we do the next bit?”
“Sure, what do you want?” Shane said, starting to clear the room of dirty bowls and mugs to bring to the kitchen.
“Do you have herbal tea?, like jasmine or green, something like that”
“Ermm...” Shane tried to visualize the cupboard where the teas might be but his memory failed him.
“I think so...back in a few minutes then” Shane disappeared through the door balancing the bowls and mugs precariously on his arms. Downstairs Cara heard his mum say in mock exasperation “so that’s where all the bowls went!”
Cara got out her phone and clicked on the photo folder that said ‘extra-curricular’ to reveal a small catalogue of dick pics she’d been sent by various boys from school. The earliest, which dated about a year back, came from Jacob, a guy who’d hit puberty a bit earlier than the other boys. Then like a timeline chronicling some sort of testosterone plague, there followed suit at least half the boys in her year group. Cara looked at Jacobs dick on her phone, then at the screen where Shane’s dick was framed by a Nintendo wii on one side and a ‘worlds most awesome grandson’ birthday card on the other. The screens where vastly different in size but Cara could still objectively see that Jacobs dick was big, whereas Shane’s dick was small to medium in size. Cara moved closer to the laptop, her handywork was almost invisible, as a good stylists should be. She put her phone down and closed the laptop in case his mum walked in. A copy of selected poems by Sylvia Plath lay on his desk, bookmarked at the poem ‘Spinster’. How ironic Cara thought as she read Shane’s annotation next to the title – “turns herself into a ‘Spinster’ because she cannot be bothered with the hassle of emotion” Unlikely to be his observation Cara thought, most likely teased out by his poor English teacher. This annotation had almost made it’s way into Cara’s head when Shane kicked the door open with a green tea in one hand and a raspberry tea in the other. Handing Cara her tea Shane pulled 2 place mats out of his back pocket – which his mum hid slid in just as he was leaving the kitchen – and put them on the desk in front of the Nintendo.
“Sorry I was so long, mum made me load the dishwasher. And we only had Green and Nettle, not just-Green”
“That’s cool” said Cara as she opened the laptop and brought up Shane sipped his raspberry tea which instantly scorched his entire mouth. He was not used to drinking tea, he would have actually preferred a coke or something but since Cara requested a herbal tea he felt a bit shy about drinking something that he know thought might be a bit childish.
“Welcome to, the #1 Teen dating Site in the World! Sign Up, 100% Free” the front banner read.
“So what’s you’re email” Cara asked
“” said Shane
“And what do you want your password to be?”
Shane lent over and quickly typed a combination of letters that ended in 2001 shooting a quick glance at Cara to see if she’d been watching him type. The front page was animated by floating profile pictures of existing members to lure in new profilers; a girl in a bikini top, boobs smashed tightly together pouted through a lurid instagram filter, a topless boy with a melancholy expression tensed his baby-smooth abs, a pretty girl with silky hair sat crossed-legged in her pajamas giggling into her iphone, a guy who looked way too old to be on the site stared with a blank smile into a bathroom mirror. Cara began filling in the basic info while Shane stared at the profiles floating around the screen in animated soapy bubbles. The bubbles would burst every few seconds just as another one floated into view. One hottie floated into Shane’s view, he followed her with a bit more intensity than the others. She was a brunette, with short hair and blue eyes; something about her look reeled him in. But there was something else too; her smiling mouth, it was not a pout or a beaming smile but a kind of failed attempt at a smile, a smile that hid something, something shy? Something deep? Something sensitive and lonely, Shane finally thought, someone just like him. Though as he followed the bubble some more, her clear blue eyes piercing the undulating blur of the gif as it knocked other bubbles off track, he saw her expression change. A shiver ran down his back as he realized that in fact she was wasn’t smiling, she was grimacing, her lips where more awkward and contorted than it first appeared to him, they curled into a kind of snarl, a snarl pregnant with some unknown pleasure... Was she laughing at him he thought? His face let go of some blood and tiny spasm surged through his body. He clenched his fist to gain some composure and the bubble popped. The brunette vanished. Shane looked back at his profile that was well on its way to being finished.
What colour eyes do you have? Blue she’d written
What colour is your hair? Brown
How would you describe your hair-style? Funky - Sensible - Punky Poptastic - R n’ B - Normal
Shane cringed at the list. He had a sort of emo haircut, but you wouldn’t describe it as that, it was really just what all the boys at school had, which was 6th generation emo filtered through one-direction filtered through several lifetimes of weekend football training. It was really just normal which is what Cara had put down. He relaxed a bit when he saw this as he now felt that she got him. His fist loosened a bit and he continued reading.
Do you kiss on the first date?
Where was your all time favorite holiday?
Are you a night-owl or a day-dreamer?
Are you an only child, or do you have brothers and sisters?
What is your ethnicity?
Are you ‘OMG online’ or ‘LOL Offline?
Do you belong to any other dating sites, and if so which ones?
The list of questions went on and on, and to Shane’s astonishment Cara had guessed all of them correctly. Was she a damn psychic or something?!
Cara looked at Shane, “is this all all-right? “Yeah, it’s fine” he said, a bit weirded out. Cara clicked the next button, which brought up the final page “What is your perfect date like?” was the title written in a scrawly black-board chalk font, then in brackets ‘maximum 100 words’ Shane noticed all the floating profile bubbles had vanished from the screen. But even though he was on his own now, the image of the brunette still lingered. He could not completely rid himself of that weird smile, though in reality, did he really want to?
“So, said Cara, what’s your type?”
Shane hesitated and then began to describe in as much detail as he could remember, the floating brunette. “Short-ish brown hair” said Shane
“Like this short?” Carr said marking her own hair mid-neck with her hand.
“Less” said Shane
“Here?” Cara moved up to a short bob length.
“Bit less” said Shane
“So closer to yours than mine”
“I guess so”Cara put this in a sentence for him.

I’m really into brunette girls, especially girls with short hair. I think short hair on girls is sophisticated and cute at the same time, which is a rare combination! ;-)

Shane was impressed, he hadn’t really thought about why he was attracted to this girl he saw, but this was a good enough explanation.
“I like blue eyes” Said Shane
“Why do you like them?” asked Cara probing for more detail to work with. Shane thought for a second, remembering something he learnt from Biology class “because blue is a less common eye colour, it’s a genetic mutation... Did you know that? ...and also, blue is a pretty cool colour too, right?” he improvised at the end.
“No I didn’t know that...that it was a mutation, that is” Cara said googling the words ‘blue eyes genetic mutation’. According to few links it looked like he was right, but this was getting a bit specific?
“Maybe you should be less narrow in this description, you don’t want to exclude girls who you might get on with just because they don’t have brown hair and blue eyes.”
But Shane was already set on tracking this girl down.
“No, I’m actually pretty picky. This has always been my type”
“OK then...” Cara said, though she was not a little surprised at this new found dynamism.
“If you have blue eyes, that would be a bonus as I love that colour you see..” Cara paused for a second, thinking of Sylvia Plath, then wrote “...and would happily drown myself in them for, should we one day get lost at sea.”
Cara re-read it, slightly surprised even at own writing skills. It was maybe a bit dramatic, but it could work...along with the dick pic he was bound to get someone’s attention as long as the site didn’t reject the image. She looked tentatively at Shane as he read what had been written. He was visibly gobsmacked by the poetic turn the profile had taken, though Cara couldn’t tell whether this was a good thing. The more he thought about it the more he felt that that the floating brunette would have liked poetry and reading, but he couldn’t put his finger on why he thought that, it was just an instinct.
“Can you add that I like girls who read poetry” he said ” that would make sense next to the poem in the can say that my favourite poet is Sylvia Plath.”
A great idea Cara thought, immediately writing:
“Sorry for the poetic flourish, but what can I say other than that I’m a romantic! Hey, maybe we have Sylvia Plath in common?"
OK good she thought, having made up for the indulgent sounding poem with a bit of irony.
Cara look at the word meter. 97. Perfect. She brought up photobooth and dragged the picture of Shane’s dick into iphoto, made few adjustments to the levels and saved it to a desktop folder . She then switched back to and in the add photo section of the site sifted through Shane’s facebook’s photos and picked out a couple of headshots that seemed plain enough as to be influenced by the profile text and uploaded them to the site.
Finally she uploaded the dick pic. She pressed save.